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My Personal Journey And The 3 Steps To Healing Traumas Holistically

Updated: Sep 24, 2021

What do you do in the aftermath of a trauma?

Well "to move forward and get on with life quickly" is certainly not the answer.

The biggest mistake we all make, as a victim, a witness or someone who is trying to help the victim, is to bury these painful emotions and thoughts quickly, and try to move on with life as fast as we can.

We may think the pain is forgotten, but it's never gone.

There is always a divine reason and lesson to be learned in every life event. Especially it's a trauma, a crisis or a failure. The point is not to hurry off away and dismissing these events but to process it, heal it and rise up from it.

So, here are the four holistic steps I had learned in my own journey of healing.


Cry out loud if you need to soothe that exploding chest.

Sit in the dark if the light is too painful now for the sorrowful eyes

Don't eat if you don't feel like eating

Don't talk if you don’t feel like talking

Rest, sleep, stop… whatever your body is telling you, listen to it, at least for the moment of grievance.

There is no need to force yourself to look strong, stay strong and be strong in a traumatic aftermath, which is what usually we all are anxious to do.

And the reason is very simple - because we are a human being with a heart and a soul.

Even a mother elephant in the wild mourned and wept when she saw her poor little baby drowned in the hunter's captivity.

And when a tree is being cut down in the forest, you can feel the silence of grievance.

The only one thing we should not allow the trauma to take away from us, is our human soul. By spending time to grief, we acknowledge our love for life, for peace, for kindness, for compassion.

Staying strong can come later. For now, just switch off the light, come into silence and allow our grievance to settle down the devastating storm in our body and mind.


I had explored and experienced many channels of self-healing but I finally landed on healing emotions because it dawned on me that… actually it is not so much the event that haunt us, but what truly made us suffer are the dark emotions that live in our head like a parasite.

The traumatic event will soon fade and be gone but it's the emotional darkness that will stay in a corner of our life.

And you know what's really painful? It's when you are totally incapable to describe and tell the world what exactly you are feeling. People may say they can imagine, they understand.

But no not really. If the victim themselves can't even figure out or make sense of the turmoil going on in the head, how can the outside world know?

Is it anger? Is it sadness? Is it fear? Is it shock? That terrible big melting pot of dark emotions made the days heavy, foggy and powerless.

It is said that a human can experience up to 34,000 different emotions. Can you imagine, with this explosive range of emotions, how do we even navigate through the turbulent waves of feelings during trauma?

Like I always say, we can't solve what we don't know.

And I am so glad that I found two life-changing healing tools in my journey, one is meditation and the other is emotion code.

To be honest, meditation does take time. It took me many years to finally connect with this ancient practice of meditation.

What was really challenging was the fact that, when you are suffering and troubled by emotional pain, going into meditation can actually lead you into more darkness. Simply because, meditation brings out the consciousness and acute awareness of what's going on in the head.

So for those of us who have been trying all our lives to run away from our troubled mind, to come face to face with it, is a whole new level of painfulness.

But this process is inevitable. Because to heal our trauma or painful mind, painful heart, we have eventually and inevitably face our inner demons to eliminate them from our life.

Hence, I do strongly suggest, from my personal experience that if you are seeking meditation as a tool to heal from trauma, do begin your journey in a safe space with a compassionate healer that will help you hold the space and guide you.

And as I continued to navigate my healing journey, I was thrilled when I stumbled on a metaphysical technique called Emotion Code, which utilises a kinesiology concept of muscle-testing and an emotion chart to decode the emotions trapped within subconscious mind that are generated by past events.

The technique helped uncovered so much of my hidden emotional pain which I had never thought that they were still troubling my life. The Emotion Code had totally saved me from my darkness and transformed my life.

I was so inspired by this healing modality that I decided to become a certified practioner to bring this healing opportunity to more people in need. And well, the rest was history. That's how Shan Living and Heal With Silvia was born.

It is a very impactful healing process for trauma when we are able to identify and recognise the inner negative emotions that are attached to the incident.

By labelling these emotions in clear context such as "anxiety" "shame" "hatred" "shock" "grief" "terror" and so on, and finding out what were the past experiences or memories in our life that had created them in the first place, we can then work on releasing them from our traumatised body and mind, one at a time.

Again, I can't emphasise enough that it is so important to let go and exit these trapped emotions otherwise, they will continue to lodge within the subconsciousness and manifest into future imbalances in our lives.


Never ever leave a trauma, a tragedy, crisis and any event of pain like an open book. Everything should come to a peaceful closure. So that a new chapter can begin.

When my father was alive, I carried a lot of resentment towards him and when he died these resentment grew into more anger and hatred in me.

The trauma of his passed away, did not just took away a father figure in my life but it had also taken all the love and light in me about life.

Reconciling our trauma with positive vibes is so important to restore the joy in our life. When we cope with our trauma by walking away and sweeping the pain under the carpet, our body and mind will continue to bear the weight of darkness.

If you are still carrying fear and resistance in remembering or talking about the trauma, this is actually a sign that you are still wounded from the pain

and if you want to truly liberate yourself, you will need to continue to work on the healing to regain your courage, taking back your power to confront your pain face to face.

The images of my father's death had lived in my head for many many years. Especially in the silence of dark nights.

I had not shared my struggles with anyone, because like I said in the beginning, it is always hard to speak about pain and of course, the self-expectation to be strong and not bother anybody with my personal problem.

So I tried to survive by forgetting. I want to erase the memories and dump everything into the big ocean and never ever to see those images again.

And perhaps this was subconsciously why I wanted so badly to get out of the country. And also always so reluctant to come home.

It was in my healing process that helped me realised that my fear and resistance were simply a sign that I had not yet truly made peace with the trauma.

All I did throughout my life, was only running away.

Well you can run, but you cant hide.

So eventually, during my healing journey, I braced myself and faced up to this monster that had been locked in my closet for decades.

Well this process is not an easy one, and please, while I encourage you to include this as part of your healing process, I need to remind you that this has to be done in a safe space by a healer that can help you navigate through. Don’t do this on your own when you are still in recovering.

And also, there is always a divine timing everything, including healing, so make sure you do this only when you feel you are ready in your heart and mind.

Now, facing the trauma, looking it in the eyes, is not about remembering the old pain. But the key is to relook into the whole incident under new light, with new perspectives, new energy, a clearer head, a bigger heart and lots of compassion.

We not only need to work on forgiveness but the most critical step that will lead us to love and light again is to be awakened by the life lessons behind our traumatic event.

For my case, the reconciliation was a lot of things.

My heart was often buried in the bitterness for not growing up with a real father figure. I attributed many of my toxic love relationships to the blaming that I didn’t had a father that protects, guides and loves his daughter the right way.

But I was totally wrong in this perception.

I remembered during my healing process, I had a big outburst one day when I was reconnecting and reflecting on the relationship with my father.

I suddenly realised that even though he wasn’t able to be there for my growing up, he had left me with many invaluable life lessons.

For a long time, I had hold on to my miseries by focusing only on the hurt, failures, misfortune and trauma. I had failed to question deeper, why will my father choose to give up his life?

I had totally forgotten the humane side of a father. He was also a human being with life challenges, emotional pain and life lessons, just like me, my clients and every single soul on earth.

As I began to dwell deeper, empathise and reconnect with the whole incident, all these awakening started to stream into my consciousness. Strangely, his death had taught me how to live.

And that moment of truth, I was entirely healed from the traumatic experience that I had refused to let go for many decades. And all resentment, hatred, anger, despair were all dissolved into the space of love and light.

For the first time, I not only forgave but I am able to say, I love you pa, thank you.

And I can totally sense that inner peace and loving kindness from the heart.

Every personal trauma to us will appear to be all harm and hurt and evil. It is hard to see the purpose behind it because we are in pain, we are shocked and threatened.

And that’s why we need to take time to grief and slow down and process the whole event.

But when our heart and mind is settled, and once again ready to continue on our life journey. A complete reconciliation is absolutely necessary.


The above is a partial transcript of my video.




When your old life isn't healed,

your new life wouldn't start.

No matter what pain you are going through right now,

let me help you get through it,

the right way.